Activism, writing and all that good stuff
Apr. 10th, 2006 12:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catherineldfI spent yesterday morning answering phones for pledge drive at KFAI. KFAI is our local volunteer-run radio station. It features tons of incredibly diverse programming and I work pledge drives there twice a year, every year. Then I went to the immigration rights rally in St. Paul. There were about 30,000 people in attendance, most of them Latino with a few other folks from other communities thrown in. I hung out with friends from Minnesotans for a United Ireland and the local Green Party, many of whom, like me, have parents or grandparents who were immigrants. It was a lovely day: lots of good crowd energy, mostly positive news coverage. Afterward, we adjourned to a local coffee house and sat around trading lefty war stories and talking about books and gossiping. I met a local radical journalist whose work I've admired for a while and we traded writing stories and tips. It was all good.
The thing is, though, all of this used to be my life, with variations, before I started writing. I was generally out organizing and protesting and tabling and all that good stuff whenever I wasn't at work or experimenting with relationship angst in various forms. I was out to change the world. At one point or another between 1979 and 1996, I worked on reproductive rights campaigns, domestic violence, campus safety, GLBT issues, Central American solidarity, anti-apartheid, Take Back the Night, anti-Gulf War and other peace-related stuff and probably a bunch of other things that I can't even remember now. Some campaigns I was pretty peripheral on, others took over my life. Then in 1996, I started writing fiction. I had closed down my bookstore and was in the throes of law school and writing looked a whole lot prettier than anything else I was doing. It was also a lot more fulfilling. After that, it didn't take long to notice that energy and inspiration for writing came from the same source that my energy from activism did and that I needed to make a choice since I didn't have the energy to work full time, be active and be a professional writer.
I picked the writing, of course. Had to go with what made me happy. And I don't look back too often. Except for days like yesterday when I remember that there are a lot of things about my old life that I kind of miss. Writing is a pretty solitary thing. While I have a lot of friends who are writers and editors, I don't have a writing group. I write my work, I revise it, I give it to my second reader and I send it out. I don't talk about it much except in general terms. I miss the sense of community and the firm belief that I'm actively working toward a better world. I miss feeling like change for the better was coming SOON.
Mostly, I feel slightly guilty, like I'm not doing enough. I still volunteer at a few things every year, attend benefits and the occasional rally, send emails and donate money. But it's not quite the same thing. Mind you, I'm not saying that writing can't be activism, it's just that isn't usually the kind of writing I'm doing.
So what do you all do on those days when you're just not changing the world enough?
The thing is, though, all of this used to be my life, with variations, before I started writing. I was generally out organizing and protesting and tabling and all that good stuff whenever I wasn't at work or experimenting with relationship angst in various forms. I was out to change the world. At one point or another between 1979 and 1996, I worked on reproductive rights campaigns, domestic violence, campus safety, GLBT issues, Central American solidarity, anti-apartheid, Take Back the Night, anti-Gulf War and other peace-related stuff and probably a bunch of other things that I can't even remember now. Some campaigns I was pretty peripheral on, others took over my life. Then in 1996, I started writing fiction. I had closed down my bookstore and was in the throes of law school and writing looked a whole lot prettier than anything else I was doing. It was also a lot more fulfilling. After that, it didn't take long to notice that energy and inspiration for writing came from the same source that my energy from activism did and that I needed to make a choice since I didn't have the energy to work full time, be active and be a professional writer.
I picked the writing, of course. Had to go with what made me happy. And I don't look back too often. Except for days like yesterday when I remember that there are a lot of things about my old life that I kind of miss. Writing is a pretty solitary thing. While I have a lot of friends who are writers and editors, I don't have a writing group. I write my work, I revise it, I give it to my second reader and I send it out. I don't talk about it much except in general terms. I miss the sense of community and the firm belief that I'm actively working toward a better world. I miss feeling like change for the better was coming SOON.
Mostly, I feel slightly guilty, like I'm not doing enough. I still volunteer at a few things every year, attend benefits and the occasional rally, send emails and donate money. But it's not quite the same thing. Mind you, I'm not saying that writing can't be activism, it's just that isn't usually the kind of writing I'm doing.
So what do you all do on those days when you're just not changing the world enough?
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-10 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-14 07:08 am (UTC)Try to change it a little? Actually, I mostly waver between despair and acceptance of the inability to do all the stuff at once, like I used to.
Sometimes I get some mileage out of inspiring and comforting and encouraging others who are out there on the front lines of change.
It's still an open question for me, though.
(from naomi)
Date: 2006-04-17 04:02 pm (UTC)I'll have to agree with the other commenter and say that "small change" is really good. I mean, I live my life as a gender queer person, someone who is committed to making my life live up to my own political ideals, educating others and raising my son to be a questioner and learner, etc. etc. I think we need to give ourselves more credit for the little things we do every day that can create change.
And also, let me take this moment to thank you for everything I learned from you way back when we were fomenting revolution together. :)
Re: (from naomi)
Date: 2006-04-18 04:09 pm (UTC)Those were interesting times all around I must say and I'm glad we reconnected.
Re: activism, et al. I spend a lot of time looking for ways to integrate social change into the rest of my life as well as my volunteer stints - belonging to various organizations that do good things like Coop America, NARAL and Sweatshop Watch, buying whatever I can from progressive local businesses and such. It still feels like not enough but I don't really have the energy to do more than that. Makes me fret a fair amount even though I know that kind of stuff is important too. Can't help thinking that the "me" I was 10-15 years back would be appalled. :-)