SF's answer to the Eye of Argon...
May. 13th, 2006 03:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catherineldfSo my friend Mike and I were exchanging emails the other day and he came up with a list of things he never wants to read in another sf novel:
1. naming characters without using vowels
2. having a gazillion characters in a novel for no damn reason
3. snippets of dialogue in the middle of paragraphs
4. watch me pull a rabbit out of my ___ ( deux ex machina )
5. anything fawning over anything
6. A whole page of description about weapon assembly or disassembly
Being me, I took this as inspiration and began a story that attempts to incorporate many of these elements, plus a few extra. Feel free to add to it - the 'Eye of Argon' should go off planet once in awhile. :-)
Glyx cleaned the barrel of his X73RT, then spun the chambers just to hear the clicking sound he loved so well. Not for the first time, he wondered why the Calrz Corp made their sophisticated laser rifles in the form of an old Smith & Wesson. "It seems like a weird design," he said aloud. Not that it mattered, since it was the best laser rifle to be found in this arm of the galaxy.
The door opened and the other members of his troop began to file in. Aouui was leading the way, just like usual. "You cleaning your gun again?" She asked, the question ending on the upward squeak that everyone from her native world of Noconstantia used. Not for the first time, Glyx wondered why consonants were allowed in the planet name but not in any of the inhabitant’s names. His own homeworld of Nonvowelia was much more sensible about it. Aouui sat and began to take apart her rifle to clean it.
The X73RT looked like a six-shooter on the outside but the inside was pure Galactic tech. It shimmered with a platinum coating that extended into the chamber which even housed real bullets. It came apart into 117 pieces, each better crafted and shinier than the last. The only thing better than taking apart a X73RT to clean it was putting it back together when it was all spiffied up. "Yep, this is the best," Aouui volunteered. Then taking it apart again. "Except for putting it back together again," she quipped. Sometimes Glyx wasn’t sure how they found time to actually fire it.
But no matter. Soon they would talk to the Ellison-in-a-box and it would tell them where to go. Sometimes the Ellison used strange metaphors: what was hell and why did one go there? But always it kept them safe, stepping in whenever escape seemed impossible and their mission lost. Soon they must placate the Ellison with offerings of good reviews and the blood of infants. Then it would tell them where to go. And that was as it should be. Always it had been this way; tradition was good.
Almost as good as cleaning the X73RT. And putting it back together once it was cleaned. Commander Zorek entered their room with many loud clankings. It was carrying the deluxe X73RT-3a. Nearly twice the size of the X73RT, it took even longer to clean. A tiny line of drool extended from the corner of Glyx’s lip just looking at it. "Why, that must have 300-400 parts to it, Commander," he ejaculated in amazement. Then he self-consciously wiped the drool away. The Commander mustn’t see how much he wanted to clean its weapon. It might think it was a sign of weakness. And the weak were fed to the Ellison-in-a-box when infants were scarce.
TO BE CONTINUED...
1. naming characters without using vowels
2. having a gazillion characters in a novel for no damn reason
3. snippets of dialogue in the middle of paragraphs
4. watch me pull a rabbit out of my ___ ( deux ex machina )
5. anything fawning over anything
6. A whole page of description about weapon assembly or disassembly
Being me, I took this as inspiration and began a story that attempts to incorporate many of these elements, plus a few extra. Feel free to add to it - the 'Eye of Argon' should go off planet once in awhile. :-)
Glyx cleaned the barrel of his X73RT, then spun the chambers just to hear the clicking sound he loved so well. Not for the first time, he wondered why the Calrz Corp made their sophisticated laser rifles in the form of an old Smith & Wesson. "It seems like a weird design," he said aloud. Not that it mattered, since it was the best laser rifle to be found in this arm of the galaxy.
The door opened and the other members of his troop began to file in. Aouui was leading the way, just like usual. "You cleaning your gun again?" She asked, the question ending on the upward squeak that everyone from her native world of Noconstantia used. Not for the first time, Glyx wondered why consonants were allowed in the planet name but not in any of the inhabitant’s names. His own homeworld of Nonvowelia was much more sensible about it. Aouui sat and began to take apart her rifle to clean it.
The X73RT looked like a six-shooter on the outside but the inside was pure Galactic tech. It shimmered with a platinum coating that extended into the chamber which even housed real bullets. It came apart into 117 pieces, each better crafted and shinier than the last. The only thing better than taking apart a X73RT to clean it was putting it back together when it was all spiffied up. "Yep, this is the best," Aouui volunteered. Then taking it apart again. "Except for putting it back together again," she quipped. Sometimes Glyx wasn’t sure how they found time to actually fire it.
But no matter. Soon they would talk to the Ellison-in-a-box and it would tell them where to go. Sometimes the Ellison used strange metaphors: what was hell and why did one go there? But always it kept them safe, stepping in whenever escape seemed impossible and their mission lost. Soon they must placate the Ellison with offerings of good reviews and the blood of infants. Then it would tell them where to go. And that was as it should be. Always it had been this way; tradition was good.
Almost as good as cleaning the X73RT. And putting it back together once it was cleaned. Commander Zorek entered their room with many loud clankings. It was carrying the deluxe X73RT-3a. Nearly twice the size of the X73RT, it took even longer to clean. A tiny line of drool extended from the corner of Glyx’s lip just looking at it. "Why, that must have 300-400 parts to it, Commander," he ejaculated in amazement. Then he self-consciously wiped the drool away. The Commander mustn’t see how much he wanted to clean its weapon. It might think it was a sign of weakness. And the weak were fed to the Ellison-in-a-box when infants were scarce.
TO BE CONTINUED...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-05-13 10:16 pm (UTC)Ellison-in-a-box...
Date: 2006-05-14 02:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-14 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-15 03:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-15 03:14 pm (UTC)Re: Ellison-in-a-box...
Date: 2006-05-15 03:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-16 03:07 pm (UTC)was choking the first time I read it... she
ran over because she thought I needed the heimlich.
The phrase that stuck in my head was "placate the ellison,"
which I think sounds like a new euphemism for mastering ones domain. LOL.
Yes, Catherine is an [evil] genius!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-16 06:35 pm (UTC):-))